Heyyyy Sweet!
Many people think intimacy starts and ends with sex. Sex for many is actually the easier and safer part, but true intimacy is deeper. It is about emotional safety. It is about honesty. True intimacy(in-to-me-see) is about feeling seen from the inside by your spouse without fear, shame, or shutdown.
Emotional intimacy grows when vulnerability is welcomed.
Many of us were taught how to serve in marriage. Unfortunately, we were not taught how to practice vulnerability. All your husbae needs is a few home-cooked meals and a lot of sex, right? Well, for those who have lived by that rulebook yet still crave something more from their marriage, true intimacy is what is missing. We learned how to pray together. We learned how to submit. We learned how to be agreeable. We were rarely taught how to say what we feel, what we need, or when we feel disconnected.
What Intimacy Really Means
Intimacy is not just about sex. It is about letting your guard down without fear of punishment or rejection. Intimacy means being emotionally known. It means your thoughts matter. Your feelings matter. Your body matters. You can share a bed and still feel lonely. You can have orgasmic sex and still feel unseen. Without emotional intimacy, physical intimacy is soulless.
Why Vulnerability Feels So Hard
Vulnerability requires truth. Truth about your body. Truth about your needs. Truth about your disappointment. Truth about your desire. Many women learned early that truth makes them difficult. So we learned to stay quiet. We smile through discomfort. We initiate sex while emotionally checked out. We go through the motions while our hearts stay guarded. We literally share our vulva but refuse to share our vulnerability with the very person with whom we are in covenant. We call it peace, but it is actually a trauma-response.
Intimacy cannot grow where protection is the priority.
The Cost of Staying Guarded
When vulnerability feels unsafe, distance becomes your marriage’s norm. You stop sharing your desires. You stop asking for what you need. You stop expecting more than the the less-than you are already getting. But this is how emotional intimacy fades. This is why so many wives (and husbands) feel disconnected in their marriage but cannot explain why.
What Does Vulnerability Sound Like
Because this may be new for you, let me give you an example of what vulnerability sounds like:
“I feel insecure in my body today.”
“I miss feeling desired by you.”
“I want emotional connection before sex.”
“I need to feel validated.”
” I need reassurance.”
” I need patience.”
” I need unrushed touch.”
These words are not attacks. These are not demands. They are your honest feelings in this moment.
Intimacy Starts With You
Sweet, you cannot be vulnerable with your spouse if you are disconnected from yourself!
Ignoring emotions blocks intimacy. Silencing your body blocks intimacy. Dismissing your needs blocks intimacy.
C’mon let’s do a little activity….Ask yourself:
“What do I feel right now?”
“What do I want more of?”
” What am I afraid to say?”
” What am I tolerating instead of addressing?”
Answering these is a great place to start with practicing being vulnerable with yourself FIRST so that you can then be vulnerable with your spouse.
Your spouse may need time. They may respond imperfectly. This does not mean you were wrong for sharing! Intimacy is built through repeated moments of safety. Through listening. Through validation. Through follow-through(ACTION!).
Intimacy and Vulnerability
Intimacy is not about doing more. It is about revealing more. It is about letting your spouse see the REAL you. You know, the one with desires and aspirations. The one who wants to be in her soft girl era but has been hurt and let down in the past. The one who is still growing and learning how to navigate this season of life.
THAT is where intimacy lives and I promise you sweet, giving your vulnerability to the one you also give your vulva to…….TOP TIER BABBBBYYYYY!
With pleasure and purpose,
Alexis
