Alexis FreddyB

Heyyyyy Sweet!

You love Jesus and you love your husbae, but when it comes to pleasure, something feels off. Something feels heavy. Something feels wrong, and you don’t even know why.

Let’s break it down.

First, you were taught to be good, not to feel good. A lot of us grew up learning how to be “good girls.” We were told to keep our legs closed, not to think about sex, and not to explore our bodies. You learned how to suppress your feelings before you ever learned how to understand them.

Now you’re married. Sex is allowed. Pleasure is okay. But your body still remembers the training. Your mind may say yes, but your body hesitates. Your spirit feels confused because nobody ever taught you how to transition from “don’t do it” to “enjoy it.” So now pleasure feels like rebellion instead of freedom.

Second, you may be confusing purity with silence. Purity was never meant to erase your voice, but for many women it was taught that way. You learned to go along instead of speak up. You learned to receive instead of express. You learned to tolerate instead of explore.

So now when it’s time to say what you want, it feels uncomfortable. When it’s time to ask for more, it feels selfish. When it’s time to enjoy yourself, it feels like too much. You end up shrinking in moments where you were meant to open up, not because you don’t want pleasure, but because you were never given permission to lead in it.

Third, you may believe that pleasure is for him and not for you. Let’s be honest. Many messages in Christian spaces center the man’s needs. “Keep him satisfied”. “Make sure he’s good”. “Be a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets….but not too freaky!”

While intimacy does matter, this creates pressure. Sex starts to feel like a responsibility instead of a shared experience. Your body starts to feel like something you offer instead of something you live in.

So even if your husbae is loving and patient, your mindset is already shaped. You show up thinking about performance instead of experience. Then the moment your body starts to feel good, guilt interrupts it. Not because something is wrong, but because you were taught that your role is to give, not to receive.

Fourth, you may feel disconnected from your own body. You cannot fully enjoy what you are not connected to. Many women ignore their bodies all day. You criticize how you look, you rush through your routines, and you don’t slow down to feel anything.

Then at night, you are expected to suddenly be present and responsive. That is a big emotional and physical shift. Pleasure requires awareness, safety, and presence. If your relationship with your body is strained, pleasure will feel unfamiliar, and unfamiliar can feel unsafe.

So instead of relaxing, you stay in your head. You overthink. You question. You hold back. That is where guilt finds space.

Fifth, you may feel like God is watching you with disappointment. This one runs deep. Somewhere along the way, intimacy got disconnected from God’s goodness.

So even in marriage, you feel watched instead of covered. Judged instead of celebrated. Instead of seeing sex as holy, you see it as something God tolerates. Instead of seeing pleasure as a gift, you see it as risky.

But here’s the truth. God created your body on purpose. God designed pleasure on purpose. God called it good on purpose. You are not doing something wrong by enjoying what He created.

Sixth, you may be carrying shame that was never yours. Some of the guilt you feel came from messages, culture, or church environments that taught fear instead of freedom. It may also come from personal experiences where your body was not honored or your voice was ignored.

Those moments can teach your body that vulnerability is unsafe, and pleasure requires vulnerability. So guilt becomes a form of protection. If you do not fully open, you do not fully risk. But that also means you do not fully receive, and you deserve to receive.

Finally, you may have never been taught how to enjoy pleasure. We spend a lot of time talking about avoiding sin, but not enough time talking about embracing joy. Nobody showed you how to feel safe in your body. Nobody normalized your desire. Nobody taught you how to explore what you like.

So now you are figuring it out in real time. That can feel awkward, but awkward does not mean wrong. It just means new, and new requires grace.

So what do you do with all of this?

You start by telling yourself the truth. Pleasure is not the enemy. Disconnection is. You begin to get curious about your body without judgment. You slow down and notice what you feel.

You start having honest conversations with your husbae, not just about sex but about your experience. You let him into your world instead of trying to manage everything on your own.

Most importantly, you invite God back into this space in a healthy way. Not as someone watching you, but as someone who designed this part of your life with intention. You can even pray differently. Ask God to help you feel safe in your body. Ask Him to help you release guilt. Ask Him to teach you how to receive.

This is not just physical. This is spiritual too.

So here is the final truth, Sweet. You are not wrong for wanting to feel good. You are not too much for desiring more. You are not sinful for enjoying your husbae mmmkkaayyy?!

So the next time guilt shows up, do not just accept it. Question it. Challenge it. Replace it. Freedom in your body is part of your inheritance too!